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September 7, 2013
You have something now that was once my most treasured possession. You aren’t his first, nor was I. I had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that there was someone before me who had him, to whom he had once whispered the words he whispers to me; someone he went to when his soul needed healing or the joy in his heart needed to be shared. I admit at times, when my mind had wandered for a second, loosening its grip on my heart, allowing it to hope I would be his last. I am not naïve, but with enough love, even the most deeply wounded hearts start to believe they can fly again. He gave me all that love, and even more. And for quite some time, I did fly.
I am not yet over him. In a way, I never will be. I will wonder if you wear glasses, and when you take them off, if the sight of your eyes makes him melt as they did with me. I will wonder if he calls you the most beautiful woman on earth as well, and I will cringe in the possibility that he does, because the man that I know does not know how to love half-heartedly. He will go to any extent for you, and he will be fiercely possessive. And you know something? You will love every second of it, this possessiveness. He will protect you, he will daddy you over, and he will drown you in love.
I have one piece of advice for you. Never take his drive away from him. It is his fuel, it is the one thing that gives him the aggression to believe himself invincible. Believe in his drive, believe in his invincibility. Not that he can’t fall, but that there is no power on earth that can keep him from getting back up and going at it harder than ever before. Don’t take that away from him. If he loves you enough it will break him, if he doesn’t, it will make him bitter. He is an aggressive man. But it stems from the passion I am sure you adore. But he is as gentle as he is aggressive with the woman he loves. Deep down, he wants to love. He wants to give you every single joy in the world, and he will do anything in his power to see your face light up from the way he loves.
He will be jealous of your past, and yes, he will be unreasonable at times. Be patient with him, because when you are at your most unreasonable, he will gather you in those arms that can envelop your very soul, and not let you go until you sigh out your grievances. And he will take care of them for you. You are his woman, he is the one you can rely on; when nothing makes sense, he will set it right, by himself. He will never hurt you willingly, and if he finds out he has hurt you unintentionally, it will rip his heart out. And God save a third person who dares to attempt to hurt you. I was not kidding when I said he is protective — he cannot bear to see you sad.
Never sleep on a fight, because when you wake up, you’ll find him awake, because he can’t sleep on one. Never block channels of communication, never go that far away. It hurts him more than he can tell you. If he cries in front of you, let him. He needs it, though he will never tell you. Know that you’re the most special person in his life if he can just put his head in your shoulder and let things out. Do not try to make him stop, just hold him.
Love him — it’s the most rewarding experience you will have in your life. Don’t impose conditions, and he will make you feel emotions you didn’t know existed. He will teach you of the exact location of your heart, because he will constantly be tugging at the strings there, and it will ache for him when he’s away. He will tell you stories: listen to them. He has a wealth of knowledge he doesn’t know what to do with except share. There are aspects of his childhood he loves, and those he hates. Make him tell you both, because the ones he loves are worth being a part of, and the ones he hates drive him in some manner.
Kiss him. Kiss him for the sake of kissing him. Kiss him because his lips are the softest thing on earth, because kissing him feels like floating on wisps of cotton candy and tastes even better. Ask him to give you his superman hug, but be careful, your body can not take it for more than five seconds. Run your finger down his back, you’ll find this one spot that always makes him jump. Hold hands, you will know how much it means to him the first time you do.
Write him letters, because even if he doesn’t like to read, he will treasure it. Take care of him when he’s sick. Visit him if he is confined; it means a lot to him if you do, and count on it that he will do the same for you. Appreciate his music. Even if he likes to rap, you will someday be lucky enough to hear a sad ballad and you will see a side of him you thought wasn’t there. Let him meet your family. Don’t treat it like an obligation; show him you are proud to introduce them. It is not a chore for either of you, it is an honor. Stop him if you know what he’s about to do is wrong, but never hit him. Just hold him back and tell him what he’s doing is making you sad. Stay up with him, even on school nights, because it shows him you want to talk to him. Do random acts of love. Don’t give him time to demand it. Surprise him. Don’t let a fight last a day; it will break the both of you. Don’t make him wait if you don’t want him to get tired of you. Laugh at his jokes, smile at the story of the pigs, make him happy. Love him well.
Sometimes just put your head on his chest to hear his heartbeat. Think your own thoughts to the beat of his heart. It will soothe your mind and heart. But of course, you are with him now. You know all these things. You love him, and are intimately familiar with all his quirks. You don’t need me to tell you all of that. What I will tell you, though, is that you’ve got the most precious thing on earth with you, and you will cherish it for all your life. Don’t lose it, don’t waste it, and don’t squander it on petty issues. Let him take you to a world only he has access to. Love him, and let him love you, and I assure you, you will never be the same again.